I was standing in my kitchen, staring at the calendar on the refrigerator. The patio door was open, a light breeze coming through making the ends of the pages billow slightly in the breeze. It was the last Saturday of June and the weather was perfect for this summer day.
The date was June 27th, tomorrow would be our first wedding anniversary. I would imagine most couples coming up on the memorable date would have something planned, some sort of celebration. My husband and I weren’t most couples though, not by a long shot. In fact, I didn’t even know where he was…he had been gone for 3 days.
His “friend” as I naively called her back then would check in periodically and let me know that he was still alive. But, no, she wouldn’t tell me where he was. She needed to be the one to take care of him through his binge. As she had all the years in the past. Even though I had just spent an entire year as his wife, in her eyes that didn’t give me any rights to his whereabouts. She always said she knew him first which in her eyes meant she had the permission to keep him safe without disclosing all information.
Sunday came and I spent the day by myself, not celebrating being married for one year. Of course I didn’t tell anyone this was going on, I didn’t want to be a burden. So, I responded thank you to all the texts and calls expressing the happiness from friends and family around making it one year together in wedded bliss.
Eventually I got the message I was waiting for. He was dropped off at the emergency room where I would meet him as he would go through detox. He was always so emotional and happy to see me, and I was always so thankful that he was alive and safe, I instantly forgot he was gone, I just focused on being back together and him being alive. It meant I could breathe and get some sleep once again, the stress was a little bit less when he was sober, never completely gone though because by that point I knew there would be a next time…the question was always when.
Happy One Year Anniversary.
I will leave you with this because it’s important – I have never walked in your shoes, but I want to know what it’s like. Click here and we can talk through a similar story or something completely different, I see you and want to help. You are here on this earth for a reason and whether you are living that reason, or searching for it, everything is happening exactly as it should. I support you and believe in you.
